


12x13 Coda: Why They Can't Work With the BMOL

by Piper_Halliwell1979



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Post episode: s12e13, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Aftermath, Season/Series 12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-26 14:28:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9904409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piper_Halliwell1979/pseuds/Piper_Halliwell1979
Summary: Trigger warning for mentions of past rape/non-con. Mary comes clean about working with the British Men of Letters and it forces Sam to admit the extent of his abuse at their hands. It also brings up some pieces of Dean's past he'd rather have kept hidden.





	

Sam’s heart rate jumped. His collar felt tight around his throat. The words his brother and mother were exchanging warped in his ears. He felt the cold sweat break out. He tried to flee the room but he was so woozy Dean had to catch him.

  


He sat him back down. Dean could see how wild his eyes were. Sam was having a major panic attack. “Hey. Hey. Eyes on me, Sammy. Look at me, damnit!” 

  


Dean grabbed Sam by his shoulders. It seemed to make Sam panic even more. Dean was seconds away from socking him in the face to knock him out. He pulled back and watched his giant of a brother shrink down to almost nothing.

  


“Sam, breathe, honey. Deep breaths.” Mary tried to calm him. The poor man was reduced to tears but at least the hyperventilating eased up.

  


“You can't work with them. Wh-what they did to me…” his voice came quiet and broken. 

  


“We saw it, Sam. Cas patched you up from that. I know you got some major PTSD from it but we ain't getting involved in it.” Dean shot his mother another hard look. He’d been waiting for the other shoe to drop.

  


“Cas couldn't heal everything. She...she…”

  


“She what, Sammy? Talk to me.” Dean positioned himself between Sam and Mary. His instinct was to protect, even from their own mother. Chuck knows he protected Sam from their father for most of his life.

  


Sam’s mouth was dry. His chest, throat, and head hurt. He fought the urge to hurl the sips of beer he’d just taken. “She drugged me. She made me hallucinate things.” He balled his fists so tight his nails dug into his palms and drew blood. “She forced me to...she made me...she raped me.”

  


A cold silence quelled the room. Mary stumbled back into a chair, dropping down in disbelief. Dean fell forward onto his brother to wrap as much of himself around him as possible. 

  


Dean wanted to scream, throw punches, have Crowley zap him over the pond so he could gut that evil bitch. But he pushed down that anger to focus on comforting Sam. “Why didn't you tell me?”

  


“I wanted to forget. I wanted to pretend it didn't happen and move on. We got mom back and you didn't die.”

  


“Sam you don't just forget that. It's something you carry for the rest of your life.” Dean stopped himself. 

  


“Dean?” Sam looked up questioningly.

  


_ Fuck _ . “So maybe I don't blame you for not talking about it. Nobody  _ wants _ to talk about it. Nobody wants to relive the worst moments of their life.”

  


Mary was in shock. She braced her trembling hands on the table. What her boys were saying, or not saying...she felt sick. “It happened to you, too.” She couldn't look Dean in the eyes. His life was so much harder because of her mistakes. She set them both on the path that led them to this.

  


“When? Who?” Sam asked. 

  


“In hell and you know who. It's what finally broke me. But he’s gone. You iced him with your demon mojo. It was gonna die with me. I survived. I lived. Nobody needed to know.”

  


A million thoughts ran through Sam's head. “Did somebody...did somebody threaten you in prison? You said it was worse than hell.”

  


Dean shook his head. “Nothing happened. And they were people. People I can hurt. I just got inside my own head and started reliving all the bad stuff. I figured you were too so I had to get you out.” Dean crouched down to be eye level with Sam. “Is that the only time?”

  


Sam looked away. Dean instantly knew what he had long suspected was true. “Lucifer.”

  


Dean closed his eyes. He sunk all the way to the floor. “Some guy who thought I was hustling more than pool got real pissed when I told him to fuck off.”

  


“I remember that. We called hospitals until you matched a John Doe. Dean you were only…”

  


“Seventeen. Came to before you picked me up. Got dressed, snuck off before a doc could come around and tell dad what happened, met you in the parking lot. Told him I got jumped and robbed by a bunch of dudes over pool.”

  


“Boys,” Mary finally spoke up. “I’m so sorry. This is all...this is all my fault. I think I should go now.” She pushed away from the table and stood on wobbly legs. She couldn't face them. Not after that. 

  


“Maybe you should,” Dean’s voice was bitter. He didn't bother looking up. Sam didn't either. They didn't even flinch when the metal door slammed.

  


“Can we go back to not talking about this?” Sam said after awhile. Dean got up and picked up his open beer. 

  


“Yeah. Just...if you ever get to a place where you want to…”

  


“I know, Dean. So even Cas doesn’t know?”

  


Dean flinched. “Guy rebuilt me from the ground up. But I figured when Naomi reprogrammed him that got wiped. Maybe he used to. I don’t know if he still does.”

  


“Oh.” Sam reached for his own beer. He didn't exactly want it but his throat was dry. He wiped any remaining tears from his face and sat up straight in his chair. Dean clamped a hand on his shoulder and picked up Sam's tablet. 

  


“Speaking of Cas, let's dig up some stuff on this Dagon chick. Ramiel said his sister was interested in Lucifer's kid. Maybe we can find her and follow her to Kelly.” And just like that Dean's walls went back up. Sam took his tablet back. 

  
“Let's get to work.”


End file.
